Dating in the closet afterellen
I couldn’t think about being the partner of Flavor Unit Entertainment or just being my mom’s daughter or my friend…
“Because she’s butch.”My friend sat back in her chair.You’ve stopped referring to your girlfriend as “mi amiga.” They know what’s going on, and you know that they know what’s going on, so she comes over for dinner, you say, “Mom, dad, this is my girlfriend.” They fumble with their words for an uncomfortable amount of time, they forget the mechanics of shaking someone’s hand, have an awkward short exchange, until you step in, cut the night short and save yourself and everyone another minute awkwardness.You know they won’t mention this or her again until the next uncomfortable encounter.As Wanda Sykes once joked, “…being an African-American celebrity who’s out, it was like they started treating me like a unicorn. Queen Latifah is one of the most successful and well-recognized black women in America, coming off of her own talk show, producing films with her aforementioned production company, starring in major films, releasing albums and lending her face to brands like Cover Girl. Although Bessie Smith was out to her close friends and family, her sexuality was likely not discussed or acknowledged as bisexual by audiences.The kind of influence she could wield if she did come out would be massive. In her heyday (the 1920s and ’30s), homosexuality might have been accepted in bohemian circuits, but not necessarily a topic of polite conversation, at least not in any kind of public forum.Bonus points if you get the infamous “No empieces” through gritted teeth.
After being single for a while I just started seeing a new woman, well imagine my surprise when she told me after a few dates that she does not want to be public about where things are going.
“But, I thought that meant she would make the first move.”I still claim my laugh was of the gentle, accepting variety.“You sound like Ursula the Sea-witch,” she said. ”My friend isn’t some recently-out nineteen-year-old. She’s had her share of long term relationships; she’s been to the Michigan Women’s Festival, for Christ sake.
If she doesn’t know this Basic Lesbian Truth, then what’s to become of all the 20-year-olds stumbling from bar to Okcupid profile, donning Hanes when they prefer Agent Provocateur; shocked when that chick who fronts like Don Draper morphs into Katie Holmes in bed? Possibly there are some circumstances under which a list becomes unnecessary.
I’ve polled a group of Lesbian Dating Experts (Read: random Facebook friends) to create a comprehensive — rather than a FAQ let’s call it a FUCT (Frequent Unfortunate and Confusing Truisms)**Note to Grumpy Lesbians: I’m certain many of you do not fit these stereotypes (No, I’m not.). She’ll text you “I want you to do me in the bathroom,” but she’ll offer her cheek when you go to kiss her goodnight. If she says “No one could ever really love me,” for God sake believe her. She says, “I want it to be special; let’s wait.” She means “I have intimacy issues.”She says “I just want to hold you.” She means “I’m actually straight.”If she says she likes sex because it “I don’t know, just…feels good,” run.
If for example, you’re a butch who makes the first move, please don’t write me glowering comments; I can think of a much better use for your time. If her Okcupid profile says she has a great sense of humor, she doesn’t. If she says she has “abandonment issues,” what she means is she will hide your car keys. If you shake her off she will fall to her knees in the driveway weeping. If she says she likes sex because it’s an effective means toward building an emotional connection, run.
Bessie married a man and was, for all intents and purposes, straight to those who paid to see her sing.